Dating tip and advice
That’s just kind of how it’s been in my experience.
But when it does get brought up by guys, they tend to be like, ‘Oh, you’re into women? And I’m like yes — but I’m also into Sci Fi fiction and the conversation can go that way."But the amount of times I open up my Ok Cupid to messages that are like ‘BBW Yum’ or ‘I Heart BBW’ — it’s a lot."The fact that they go right to the fetish thing has to be frustrating.
"It’s funny to hear what men say when they think they’re being complimentary.
They just saw me as fat."Were the advances you got more sexual than romantic? I don’t know if that was because I was so young, and that’s just what was on people’s minds. I hope so many men see this.’ But then I started thinking, and I was like, ‘Wait. It’s problematic, but we have that internal war within ourselves."So when you asked me if it was the relationship that helped, my answer is no — it was myself. And I’ve had to face some ugly truths in this relationship about how I view myself and my work and what kind of love I accept and think I deserve. I look at myself in the mirror and I think, ‘You are beautiful. And I don’t categorize myself as BBW in any way, just because it is a category. But that gets brought up first — mainly because the queer thing only gets brought up if I mention it. If a man swipes on me, he tends to assume I’m straight.
All of the sudden, I was hanging out with white men exclusively in a romantic way, because the trickle-down effect of racism is that it’s mostly rich white guys who can afford to pay for this phone service. And yet, I don’t have the dating skill set to be more versatile, because my formative experience is so singular."You mentioned that you mostly rely on online dating. But maybe because they don’t want to confront their desires to fuck a fat girl, they project all of my fatness onto my bust. There’s also the fact that even though I’m not Asian, I look Asian.
So it’s complicated and painful now as an adult having had those formative experiences with white men of a certain class."Now it’s very difficult for me to find a partner who can get down with me as a person of color, who is critical of racism and stuff. So the idea of being a busty Asian person gets brought up a lot.
’ Which, whatever, is problematic in and of itself.
But then I’m sitting down, trying to take my makeup off, and the guy comes up to me and goes, ‘You know, not everyone wants to see a stick up there. I like the fact that you’ve got meat on your bones.’ And I was just like, excuse them? You want men to be allies, and you want people to be accepting of all body types. "And they think I should be appreciative of harassment like that!